A quick read of Joseph Markowitz’ recent blog about The Power of Metaphors at Mediation’s Placereally got me thinking about metaphors and dreams and, believe it or not, my career choices.
I was a litigator for 15 years and really enjoyed it, or at least I thought I did. What I had not connected to my career choice was a recurring dream that I had that can only be called “anxiety-riddled.” In my dream my car was accelerating rapidly, I mean I was flying down the street, and despite the fact that I had my foot and all my weight on the brake, I simply could not stop. It was dreadful. It was terrifying. Luckily I always awoke before the inevitable crash and urban myths tell me that is a good thing. I had the dream at least once every few months and it was so real to me that it made me wonder sometimes when I got in the car if my brakes really were faulty.
Approximately one year ago I was asked to join the Upchurch Watson White and Max Mediation Group to become a full-time alternative dispute resolution practitioner and do you know that I have not had my faulty brakes dream since I changed careers? Obviously I felt out of control in litigation-mode and my dreams were trying in vain to tell me what now seems so clear.
It was at this point in my self-analysis that I had one of those Oprah Winfrey
“aha! moments.” Whoops! Has Ms. Winfrey copyrighted that phrase yet? Regardless, isn’t litigation often like a speeding car racing out of control toward trial? Don’t the parties feel somewhat helpless as I did in my dream, trying desperately but ineffectively to avoid a possible disaster and the unknown? Well, yes, of course they do.
“aha! moments.” Whoops! Has Ms. Winfrey copyrighted that phrase yet? Regardless, isn’t litigation often like a speeding car racing out of control toward trial? Don’t the parties feel somewhat helpless as I did in my dream, trying desperately but ineffectively to avoid a possible disaster and the unknown? Well, yes, of course they do.
So there you have it, the birth of another version of my opening remarks at mediation. I used to share with the attendees some insight into how mediation fits into my family life as a soccer mom but now I will begin retelling the story of my faulty brakes dream and how litigation can grab hold of your life in an unexpected and uncompromising manner as it apparently grabbed hold of mine. I will share with the parties a piece of the calm that mediation has brought into my life and share with them my hope that our mediation session(s) can result in the same for them and allow them to leave their litigation and all the grief that comes with it in my office and in my conference room while they walk out with a little less weight on their shoulders due to the settlement agreement the parties were able to craft, create and negotiate. You see, litigation can feel like the speeding car and in the right situation the mediation can serve as the much needed brakes. Mediation allows parties to regain some control of the situation and certainly allows parties to write their own ending to the dream (or nightmare), as the case may be.
– Sandra C. Upchurch